From: anastas	Date: September 1st, 2010 06:56 am (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Sunny,

I must begin this letter with an apology. It seems I have hit a nerve. I did not mean to trigger such a passionate response with my conjecture. I would not deign to call you dumb and I genuinely believe you are anything but. I am curious. Are we involved? What exactly are you admitting? Your lips truly are irresistible. As are your other charms.

Your shifting opinion probably has more to do with me than whether or not you can make up your mind. Entire weeks have gone by in which I cannot decide upon the person I want to be. I will freely admit to being a person who cannot maintain much beyond his image. And you have been working so hard to erode that. So no, it does not change my opinion of you.

I will probably tease you with it for another few years. Maybe you will outgrow the nickname by then. I doubt it. It is perfectly suited to you. I am not Gray and I am surprised that his image was not damaged by that lovely creature you beating him up. It is not so much the nickname as the meaning it holds. I have suddenly found myself entirely confounded by this. It would not ruin my image, but it would change many things between us. I am not ready for that. I do not want to be the man that hurts you in the end. You deserve far better than me. I am sure I will survive, but it is more fun to tease you.

I am surprised that you label yourself as such. I would think you would have to be a masochist to enjoy kissing me. I am pleased that you do not completely hate me. I do not completely hate you either.

Always,
Stasi

	From: soleada	Date: September 1st, 2010 07:17 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Stasi,

Thank you for the apology. I’m sorry for getting so upset about it. I guess I don’t really know what I’m admitting to. Involvement to some degree? Care? That there are also things about you that are irresistible?

I can’t let you take all the blame for that either. I’m just as guilty of changing my mood when you’re around. I’m guilty of trying to push you away or keeping you at arm’s length for my own reasons. And it’s not fair to push you away for something that someone else did. I’ve pushed my past boyfriends away but you just keep pushing back. So yeah, sometimes I can be a little bi-polar. You’re more than just some bad boy Anastas and we both know it.

Well I hope you out grow your nick name by the time you finally tell me what mine means Chamaco. Maybe I’ll come up with something nicer by then. I know you’re not Grey, you’re nothing like him. You’re far more persistent, among many other things. So the meaning huh? Damn Russian language and your damn alphabet. I couldn’t even look it up if I wanted to.Does this mean there’s something else to it? To us? That there even is an us? That’s mildly terrifying and oddly comforting. Yeah you would say that.

I enjoy the kissing part. It’s the scary weak feeling I get, it’s the pinning me to the wall, the violence, and the possibility that it could happen again that bothers me. Although with you, in the back of my head I know you wouldn’t do that to me. I didn’t mean that last bit, it was not very nice of me to say. I don’t hate you Stasi. You can annoy the crap out of me, you can get me mad like no one else can, but I don’t hate you.

Yours,
Sunny

	From: anastas	Date: September 2nd, 2010 10:35 am (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Sunny,

It is fine. If you are feeling an emotion there is a reason for it and no reason to deny it. I will only admit to self-involvement. But lately you are changing my mind. You do not need to apologize for keeping me at arm’s length. I keep everyone at arm’s length. I find you quite interesting for this reason. Both the part that pulls me close and the part that pushes me away; your range of emotions is challenging. If I am being honest it is refreshing. Most girls only expect the one thing from me. I enjoy that you expect more.

You are not allowed to tell anyone that I am more than just a bad boy.

You should hear some of the nicknames I have for my other friends. All in Russian. No one knows what they mean. This does not make your nickname any less special. This is because Gray is a fine man and I am something else entirely.

I am pleased that you do not hate me. I enjoy our time together very much and I look forward to spending more time as the semester begins. Unless of course you change your mind about me. I am most certainly infuriating.

Always,
Stasi

	From: soleada	Date: September 2nd, 2010 01:41 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Stasi,

True, but I could have been nicer about it. Of course you won’t admit to being involved with anyone other than yourself. Jerk. I don’t like keeping you people at arm’s length I just don’t trust anyone enough to let them in all the way. It might surprise you how little faith I have in people. Well for me it’s confusing. And intriguing. I never know what to expect from you and most of the time I want more.

And why not? I don’t think it’s such a bad thing that you have more range than you let most people see. It’s tiresome to explain to my friends all the time why I spend time with you. I’ll keep your secret if you want though.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone refer to Gregoire as a fine man. He’s not bad though, just seriously misguided. You, you on the other hand... the jury is still out on that.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy your company most of the time. sometimes. I must admit I was surprised when you first wrote to me and I have enjoyed receiving your letters for the most part. I always change my mind about you Anastas as you have pointed out, you are most certainly infuriating but I’m willing to give whatever this is a shot.

Yours,
Sunny

	From: anastas	Date: September 2nd, 2010 02:01 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Sunny,

You are nice about everything else. I will give you a rain check for this one thing. Or a pass Go, collect 200 dollars.

I do like keeping people at arms length. It is safer and smart. That way no one can ever fail you. Do not take it as a personal slight if I am ever cold with you or if I keep some things to myself. I like people to keep their guards up with me, as much as I keep my guard up with them and here you are again breaking it down with ease. I will have to be more careful with you. Keeping people on their toes is the best way to achieve this.

I can only imagine what your friends must think of me. Should I try to make out with them as well so they will understand the appeal?

I have enjoyed your letters in return. I have learned a lot about you. I can only imagine you will continue to change your mind about me again and again until you decide that there is no hope for me. I hope not. Between you and me I think you could turn me around.

Always,
Stasi

	From: soleada	Date: September 2nd, 2010 09:13 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Stasi,

Nice Monolopoly reference. I will go collect 200 dollars thank you very much.

Safer, yes. Smart, I haven’t decided yet. I think no one can hurt me if I don’t let them in but that doesn’t seem to be the case ever. It seems as though we’re perfectly matched in the sense that neither one of us has a predictable temperament. I can not always expect you to be warm and welcoming when I am not always warm and welcoming in return. And there are definitely things I keep to myself. I hope to tell you about them some day. I need to trust you for those secrets to be let out and I hope some day you will let me trust you. Alas, I’m on guard with anyone who shows even a remote interest in me. And yes, you’ve done well keeping me on my toes.

If you want to keep kissing me your lips better not find their way to my friends Anastas, even if it is just to prove a point. It’s not just your kissing although that doesn’t hurt</strike>.

I feel as though I have learned about you as well and I know there’s hope for you buried in
there somewhere. Between you and me I think you have a chance at breaking down some of my barriers. We’ll just have to see.

Yours,
Sunny

	From: anastas	Date: September 2nd, 2010 10:09 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Sunny,

I do not want you to constantly be warm and welcoming. I would grow bored as I am sure you would. You have done an excellent job of keeping me on my toes. I should bow and concede that you are the winner in this bout. There are things about me that I intend to keep to myself forever. No matter how hard you try with your optimism and kindness. I will not ask forgiveness for it, but I need some of my secrets to stay secret.

I was not about to admit that we are well matched, but since you have, then yes. I agree. I never would have thought it possible that we would have so much in common. I am pleased that there is more than simply kissing between us.

Understood. Your friends are off limits.

I will take this as a challenge. My goal this year is to break down your barriers. You can take your shot at mine, but I cannot express the same confidence in your ability to knock them down. Unless you have climbing gear and intend to scale them.

Always,
Stasi

	From: soleada	Date: September 2nd, 2010 10:25 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Stasi,

I agree that there are some things people must keep to themselves but I think it only fair if I tell you certain secrets. Maybe some day you’ll understand why but for now I will leave it at that. I will not push you into telling your secrets as I’m sure you will afford me the same courtesy. I sound too formal. I hate it.

I can’t deny what’s blatantly in front of me. I didn’t think it was possible either but here it is. What kind of girl do you think I am? Certainly not one that goes around kissing boys for no other reason. Ok so maybe the first time but I was drunk and we were having a lot of fun and you caught me off guard. Surprise, surprise, you catching me off guard.

Good. I’m glad we have an understanding.

Good luck, it’ll take more than your kisses and your persistence to break down my barriers. I too accept your challenge. I hope you’re prepared because I don’t give up easily.

Yours,
Sunny

	From: anastas	Date: September 2nd, 2010 10:33 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Sunny,

I will agree to share only what I am comfortable sharing if you agree to do the same. For you I will be the soul of courtesy.

And here I thought I was working on my subtlety. I think you are a very fun, nice girl who has managed to hide her secrets. I would not have believed that you were so complex after our first encounter. I have not regretted a thing since our kissing began. I am surprised you let me kiss you the first time. I am glad you let me kiss you again.

I am nothing if not persistent. I would expect nothing less of you.

Always,
Stasi

	From: soleada	Date: September 2nd, 2010 10:43 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Stasi,

Fair enough. I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable dear Anastas.

You have the subtlety of an attacking bear. I think you have a pretty clear understanding of me. That surprises me, but I guess it shouldn’t. There are things I regret and things that I don’t. Are you so surprised? You’re fun when you want to be and very attractive. We were having fun, I guess I don’t really have to explain myself to you, you were there. A part of me is glad you kissed me again. It took me a long time to realize that and eventually admit to it.

You don’t have to tell me that, I already know. It sounds like we’re in for an interesting year.

Yours,
Sunny

	From: anastas	Date: September 2nd, 2010 10:53 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Sunny,

I have no problem with being uncomfortable. I mean only that there are some things I will not share with anyone. There are some secrets that should never be told.

This is an improvement. I used to have the subtlety of a rampaging rhino. Does it surprise you that someone as careless as I am could be so perceptive? Or does it surprise you that I care enough to want to understand you. I do not believe that there is room for regret in this world.

Given my glowing reputation I am a little surprised that you let me kiss you more than just that first time. I am pleased to read these compliments, even though some of them are crossed out. You do not need to explain yourself to me. If you feel the need to justify kissing me that is your issue to deal with.

I had no other plans for this semester. It seems now that you are my plans for this semester. Are you nervous yet? You should prepare yourself now. I am no good at easing into situations.

Yours,
Stasi

	From: soleada	Date: September 2nd, 2010 11:08 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Stasi,

I do not have a hard time understanding how you could have no problem being uncomfortable. I’ve already lost track of how many times I’ve hit you. What happened to you?

Aren’t you just getting so stealth? Soon you’ll be a ninja. It surprises me for a few reasons. Firstly yes, it surprises me that someone who claims to be as careless as you is perceptive enough to see past the first layer of someone like me. It makes me question how careless you really are. And secondly that you would want to bother trying to understand me anyone. I feel bad after I hit you but in general I try not to have regrets. I’ve spent too much time feeling guilty and angry about other things in my life to let in any negativity.

Trust me Anastas, it’s not your reputation that attracts me. I can’t seem to control myself around you. I don’t need to justify kissing you so I should stop trying to. I shouldn’t have to feel that way.

You always make me nervous. And how does one prepare herself for such a situation? I want to make sure I’m ready for this semester.

Yours,
Sunny

	From: anastas	Date: September 2nd, 2010 11:26 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Sunny,

I never mind your punches. They remind me that I am still alive. When so few thinks make me want to live, it is a comfort to know that interaction with you gives me something to look forward to.

I can learn new tricks; I will surprise you. Like recognizes like. We are magnets drawn together. Perhaps it is not correct to say that I am careless. It is more accurate that I do not have many things for which I care. When I find something to care about I try to understand it. There are things in this world that I strive to understand. I am as surprised as you that you are one of them. I have told you before, I quite like it when you hit me. I do not know if that is comforting to you.

It is not your reputation that keeps me coming back for more either. I make sport of corrupting good girls, but you are not like the others. I do not believe that you are corruptible. I like you as you are.

I mean only that you should keep your lips ready. I especially like the gloss you wear that tastes like strawberries.

Yours,
Stasi

	From: soleada	Date: September 2nd, 2010 11:39 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Stasi,

I’m sure there are other reminders, less violent reminders for that. My goodness Stasi, what did they do to you?

I’m sure you will surprise me, you usually do. I’m not entirely sure that’s how magnets work. I thought they repelled each other. Close enough with us though right? As long as you can admit that you do care about some things I will be happy. No one on this planet should be walking around without something to care about. Does this mean you care about me? This situation seems to leave us both surprised and perplexed. You might not mind it but I’m not I try not to be a violent person. I don’t like hurting you. But sometimes I just freak out.

Really? Like really really? This is different? You better not be messing with me. I’m not corruptible, it’s a good thing you’re not trying to do that. I like you as you are I just don’t think you’re letting everything inside show. I like you quite a bit more when you’re being honest.

That’s my favorite too. What did I tell you about kisses? It’s going to take a lot more than that.

Yours,
Sunny

	From: anastas	Date: September 2nd, 2010 11:54 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Dear Sunny,

Nothing so visceral as pain or passion. I feel numb most of the time. I do not even need to self medicate. There is nothing to dull anymore. I feel only what is most important. I burn and bury every other feeling.

I have read up on magnets. They repel and attract depending on which side you match. Like to opposite, but each magnet can have both sides. Like us. Like and opposite, both sides attracted and repelled. I care about some things. I am not ready to admit that I care for you yet. Will I be brave enough to tell you when I do? Will I be strong enough to let you in? There is no better person to freak out with than me. I can take it. I will be your punching bag when you need it.

I did not say that I was not trying to corrupt you, only that I believe you will not be corrupted. I can try, but you are too stubborn. I am not usually this honest. You bring it out in me. I would be lying if I said that this did not terrify me.

What did you tell me about kisses? I enjoy them and you enjoy them. We have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to explain. I would like to kiss you again. I certainly hope you would like to kiss me again.

Yours,
Stasi