crucio (crucio) wrote in cwf,
@ 2009-11-09 19:03:00

open to varick
It had taken a while for Shannon to get settled, and really, he still didn't feel quite right. He wasn't sure if he ever would, either, but he was willing to try. Each day got a tiny bit easier, though he knew that he wasn't ever going to be the same again. Losing Cameron had been like losing a part of himself, and there was absolutely no way that he'd ever be quite who he was before.

Garrett had given him a room to make a work space out of, and Shannon had all ready filled it with all of the things he needed to just lose himself in sewing and designing. It felt different to do it alone, without Cameron there. Sure, they sometimes worked seperately, but it was difficult realizing that this was the way it was going to be from now on. No more Cameron, just him.

While sewing, he'd caught his thumb in the machine, and he didn't even notice at first because he was so deep in thought. When he saw the blood, though, he felt the sting and winced as he lifted his thumb up to his mouth to suck on it. He shut the machine off and got up so that he could go down the hall and into the bathroom. It was late, but he couldn't sleep. He hadn't been sleeping well at all.

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impotentwaffle
2009-11-11 08:44 am UTC (link)

Sometimes, he really didn't know if Shannon (or Cameron, back when) knew what that kind of offering did to him. It was dismantling. Taking a few steps away from the wall at his back, he pushed Shannon's body to the opposite wall, teeth colliding with skin the moment Shannon's back hit the firm surface.

As he pressed his mouth against his skin, he murmured darkly. "Don't do that unless you mean it."

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crucio
2009-11-11 08:54 am UTC (link)

Shannon let out a soft noise as his back collided with the wall, and he tightened his hold on Varick. He wet his lips and swallowed hard while one of his hands slipped up into the blonde locks of Varick's hair.

"I mean it," he promised softly.

His heart was hammering away inside of his chest, and he couldn't help but be a little afraid. It wasn't an overwhelming fear, it was just that he realized how vulnerable being in love could be and that was a little scary.

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impotentwaffle
2009-11-12 06:06 am UTC (link)

Varick caught the light flavor of alarm, and he wanted to be both the cause of that fear and its solution. His mouth found Shannon's pulse in his throat and he lapped his tongue once against it, enjoying the way it was fluttering under his skin. He closed his lips against that pulse for a moment before pulling back and looking at his face.

"Do you think he would be angry at this?" He had to ask, had to bring it up because the question was just too overwhelming in his head right now.

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crucio
2009-11-12 06:34 am UTC (link)

Shannon held his breath and he shivered a little bit at the feel of Varick's tongue on his neck, and he tightned his hold on the other man. The bathroom wall was cold, but Varick was warm, and he dipped his head down a little bit to press the tip of his nose into Varick's hair. When the other man pulled back, he swallowed hard at the question and held his breath.

"No," he said quietly, "Did he ever talk to you about it?"

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impotentwaffle
2009-11-12 07:32 am UTC (link)

Shaking his head, he leaned harder against Shannon, using the wall to support most of the fox's weight. "Talk to me about it? About what?" He found the idea kind of preposterous. But that was probably why Cameron had never mentioned it to him--just talking about it would upset him. He examined Shannon's expression carefully, trying to determine what he was getting at before he said anything.

"Did he talk to you about it?"

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	crucio 2009-11-12 07:38 am UTC (link)
	Shannon suddenly felt a little bit trapped, and he let out a soft sigh. He had been embarrassed to talk about it with Cameron, but the idea of talking about it with Varick was even worse. He let his legs slip away from Varick's hips so that he could slide down and try to slip away from the wall. "Just once," he said quietly. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

impotentwaffle
2009-11-12 09:12 am UTC (link)

Not about to let Shannon escape so easily, he made sure that his arm blocked the younger man's path. "You talked about us being together? You and I?" It was hard for him to wrap his mind around that, or what it might even mean. Maybe the only point that mattered was that Cameron wouldn't be upset with this arrangement. When his mate had told him to take care of his brother, Varick certainly hadn't considered he'd meant this way.

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crucio
2009-11-12 09:26 am UTC (link)

Shannon couldn't bring himself to look at Varick, and his cheeks felt hot. He knew that Varick wasn't going to let him walk away, and he wasn't going to, he just felt trapped against the wall and the topic of conversation certainly wasn't helping.

"Not like that, not in the way you're thinking," Shannon said softly. "He just knew me so well, so he knew... How I felt about you."

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impotentwaffle
2009-11-12 10:43 pm UTC (link)

He shook his head. "You don't know what I'm thinking," he pointed out gently as he let his hand touch against Shannon's cheek. It upset him that the twins might have spoken about the possibility of one of them dying. It also made him uncomfortable that this was bringing up emotions in him he'd long since buried. He didn't want to think about how he'd felt about Shannon before Cameron had died. It made him feel guilty, or as if he hadn't loved Cameron just for Cameron because Shannon had always been a part of them in some way.

"Did he talk about dying?"

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crucio
2009-11-12 11:05 pm UTC (link)

Shannon kept his gaze lowered for a moment, even when Varick coaxed him to meet his gaze. After a moment, though, he finally lifted his eyes up to the other man and nodded his head.

"I asked him if you knew how I felt, and he said no, but he said that you wouldn't be mad about it. And then he asked me if I would want to be with you if something happened, and I told him not to talk like that. He said he'd want for us to be together, and I got mad and left and that was it."

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impotentwaffle
2009-11-13 12:16 am UTC (link)

Varick was aware of Cameron's heart and how big it was. But that still surprised him. It was an incredible gift that he hadn't even known Cameron had given him until now. Not to mention, he was surprised to discover that Shannon had had feelings for him back then as well.

"I never would have told him this while he was alive, but Cameron was right about pretty much everything." It felt good to be at a point where he could remember the man fondly and even have the ability to laugh a little. But the laugh died and he dropped his hand away from Shannon's path.

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	crucio 2009-11-13 12:24 am UTC (link)
	Shannon swallowed hard as he felt tears start to sting at his eyes, and he lifted a hand up to brush one away as it went cascading down his cheek. He wasn't sure what else to say. He was relieved to have finally gotten it all out, but it wasn't going to bring Cameron back. "You're not upset about it?" he asked quietly. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

impotentwaffle
2009-11-13 01:08 am UTC (link)

"No," he shook his head and brought his hand up to comb through Shannon's hair. He hated to see the other man cry, though he could never deny him that release. "I'm relieved by it, I think." It didn't solve all of his feelings, but it helped him feel better about the situation.

With a sigh, he nuzzled his face down against Shannon's shoulder. "How exactly did you feel about me back then?" He wanted to hear it, and maybe it was too much to ask, but thinking about it made his heart flutter expectantly.

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crucio
2009-11-13 01:15 am UTC (link)

Hearing that Varick wasn't upset was infinitely relieving, and he closed his eyes as one of his arms slipped around the other man's waist. He pressed his hand against the center of the wolf's back. He held his breath and swallowed at the question he was being presented with.

"I... I don't know, I felt guilty about it. I just felt a connection with you, and I was attracted to you. It ne'er went away. I tried to tell myself it was because of your connection with Cameron, but I felt it before you were with him so I knew deep down that wasn't true."

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impotentwaffle
2009-11-13 02:43 am UTC (link)

Cameron had always been more vocal about his attractions and it had been so easy to become overwhelmingly in love with him. Shannon, on the other hand, had always been quieter about it--so quiet obviously that Varick hadn't had a clue. It was sweet, hearing Shannon talk about it, and it made his heart melt a little.

He kind of felt like Shannon was going to be the one who saved him, his path back toward the light. "Is your finger feeling better?" He asked, reaching down to clasp his hand and bring it up between them. Instead of actually looking at it, he pressed it to his cheek and then turned his head to kiss at Shannon's palm. "We should go to bed."

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crucio
2009-11-13 02:56 am UTC (link)

At Varick's question, Shannon nodded his head a little. The kiss to his palm was sweet, and he moved forward to wrap both of his arms around the wolf as he pressed his face against Varick's chest.

"Okay," he agreed before he brushed a kiss over Varick's heart.

It felt nice to be close to the other man with everything out in the open. He finally felt like he could breathe again.

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	impotentwaffle 2009-11-13 05:18 am UTC (link)
	"Would you sleep in my bed from now on?" He'd found the courage to just flat out ask him, extend the invitation indefinitely because he didn't see his feelings changing. He stepped back, grasping Shannon's hand and leading him to the bedroom. "I sleep better with you around. I wanted to ask you earlier but I couldn't bring myself to do it." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

crucio
2009-11-13 05:39 am UTC (link)

Shannon let his fingers lace up with Varick's as he followed him down the hall. He lifted their hands up to his mouth to press a kiss to the back of Varick's hand, and then he nodded his head.

"I sleep better with you, too," he said honestly.

Once they were in Varick's room he closed the door behind them, and then went to crawl into bed. It smelled like Varick, and it was a comforting smell. He rolled onto his side and looked up and over at the other man as his eyes adjusted to the darkness.

"I love you, you know," he murmured after a moment. He didn't see the need in trying to hide it anymore, and he knew that Cameron wouldn't have wanted him to.

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impotentwaffle
2009-11-13 06:13 am UTC (link)

Getting under the covers, Varick took a few moments to process those words. He'd loved Shannon as a brother and it had always been a complicated sort of love, mixed in with a romantic edge that he'd never confronted before now. Saying the words were difficult though because of the hole Cameron had left.

Instead of saying anything, he tugged Shannon close to him and kissed him hard. If he could say it, he could show it.

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crucio
2009-11-13 06:23 am UTC (link)

Shannon kissed him back just a hard, moving so that he could press his body flush against Varick's. He parted his lips and let his fingers curl around the front of the wolf's shirt, feeling like he needed something to hold onto. He didn't need to hear the words said back, that wasn't why he'd said them. The kiss was the perfect response and Shannon made a soft noise of enjoyment.

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impotentwaffle
2009-11-13 06:46 am UTC (link)

Varick would get there eventually, he knew it. But for now, he was thankful that Shannon responded to his kiss like he did. He pressed forward, rolling Shannon more onto his back so that he could bear down on top of him, liking the control that granted.

His teeth bit down lightly on Shannon's bottom lip, tugging on it before he let his tongue dart into Shannon's mouth.

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crucio
2009-11-13 07:07 am UTC (link)

Shannon let his body follow the lead that Varick's was giving, and he rolled onto his back easily when Varick coaxed him to. He slid his free hand up along the other man's back, nails digging in against the material of Varick's shirt as a soft whimper gave way from his throat. He needed this, he needed to feel something other than empty and Varick seemed to be the only answer.

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	impotentwaffle 2009-11-13 07:40 am UTC (link)
	With the slightest of possessive growls, he moved his mouth down to Shannon's neck. It was his favorite part of him, that vulnerable, soft skin covering his pulse. His inner wolf shuddered with anticipation against the quieter energy of Shannon's fox. His hands drifted down to clutch at Shannon's hips, thumbs pressing firmly against the jut of his hipbones. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

crucio
2009-11-13 01:16 pm UTC (link)

When Varick's mouth went to his throat, Shannon drew in a soft little gasp. His heart jumped with a mixture of fear and enjoyment. He trusted Varick, but he was no fool to the fact that Varick's wolf was in control over his fox and was stronger. He swallowed and turned his head to the side in an offer of submission and trust.

"Varick..." he whimpered softly.

Unlike Cameron, Shannon was reserved and shy, which everyone knew. The twins seemed to come from different worlds in the aspects of communication an openness. Cameron was outgoing and went for things he wanted while Shannon observed and had the tendency to wait for things. He was in his twenties, and he hadn't even slept with anyone before when Cameron had lost his virginity at age sixteen to some human they went to high school with. The kid hadn't even meant anything to Cameron, Cameron had just been attracted to the boy and wanted the experience. Shannon always envied Cameron's free spirit.

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impotentwaffle
2009-11-13 08:09 pm UTC (link)

Varick was not expecting Shannon's first time. He may have been different, less starving and rushed. He didn't even know if that's where this was going, but his body certainly wanted it. The differences between them came out even more solidly while Varick's mouth was exploring Shannon's skin. One hand came up, tugging down the stretchy collar of Shannon's shirt so that his tongue could graze over his clavicle and then dip into the hollow of his throat.

"You taste the same, did you know that?" His voice went a little sad, stumbling over the admission. But I know it's you, Shannon. I want you," he said, voice more firm now.